This is an excellent first draft. My main points of feedback are:
Thesis Statement and Topic Sentences need more Inference, less summary. Almost all of your topic sentences (the first line of your body paragraphs) begins with a quotation and summary. Instead, begin your paragraphs with your claim, in your opinion, of the meaning or purpose of the portrait you are analyzing. Why is the portrait significant, in your opinion? You can also move away from statements like, “people of color farmers felt mistreated,” and instead, assert an opinion such as “people of color farmers are mistreated.” This is an example of creating inference and asserting claim, rather than using summary.
Additionally, the book addresses the experience of African American farmers, immigrant farmers, Native American farmers and more. It is useful to address the diversity of the farmers in the book, rather than generalize as a “minority,” since this is a large collective of people. The word “Black” when referring to African American people should be capitalized to show recognition and respect for this cultural identity.
Importantly, the Prompt for Essay #2 calls for a connection to a supplemental reading from class. Be sure to include an additional piece of content, such as research or connection to another assigned class reading. Be sure to cite in MLA format page numbers for any quotations or researched information.
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